My 30th Year

My 30th birthday has come and gone, and while I still haven't accomplished the goals that I wanted to have done by this pivotal milestone, I want to try to remain positive about my life.

While I cannot say that I've lived the most exciting life, I can say that I've been very fortunate these past 30 years. I have a wonderful family that loves me and supports me. I've been consistently employed (with a few minor breaks) since my sophomore year of college. I can pay my rent, bills, and buy food. Sure, I have some bad days, but I cannot complain.

Yes, there are so many things I sill want to accomplish and I've made some missteps along the way. I still have time to reach my goals, and I have the chance to keep learning from my mistakes because I'll have a support system to hold me up if needed. Things may not be perfect, but I couldn't be luckier.

My Re-Commitment

Where did 2010 go? It seems like not too long ago I was making my move to San Marcos, and here we are a little over a year later. Crazy. While the year has changed, unfortunately some things have stayed the same like my life.

This time last year, I wrote about how I continued to live the same old life even though I changed locations. My resolution for 2010 was to change things up and make things interesting. Here I am vowing to do the same thing in 2011. Things in San Marcos weren't bad, just uneventful. Of course I have no one to blame but myself.

I was too content on standing by and letting life just happen rather than being proactive, and I can't help but feel like I wasted too much time. What's frustrating is the fact that I felt this way last year, but here I am. You'd think I'd figure something out by now.

Honestly, I think part of it has to do with my need to move around. When ever I end up some place, I start thinking about my next move, so why establish roots. I've only recently realized how unfulfilling that kind of life can be. Yes, there's the adventure of new things, but the novelty wears off and you're not left with much. At least that's what I'm figuring out.

While part of me still longs for a transient lifestyle, there's also a piece of me that wants to stay put once and for all. Being back in Texas has had some benefits, like being closer to family, and I've enjoyed the chance to see them more often. This ability to reconnect with my family is convincing me to stay home for good, but I'm sure this need will pass.

Regardless if I stay in Texas or move somewhere new, I'm re-committing myself to breaking free of the doldrums and stop living a temporary life. Might as well start in 2011.

My Getaways: America's Past-Time

With today being Opening Day of the 2010 Major League Baseball season, I couldn't help but be reminded of one of the earliest goals that I set for myself, which was visiting all of the Major League ballparks. I know that this is not a dream unique to just myself since many have reached this feat before, but it's still something I'd love to do. The thing is this goal has lost some of its luster since most of the old school parks have been replaced with state of the art stadiums, but there are a few I'd like to see sooner rather than later:

5. Oriole Park at Camden Yards: Baltimore Orioles

For some reason, I will always see Camden Yards as the forerunner of the modern day ballpark, and according to some sources, it's the blueprint that so many other organizations have copied. I just remember the opening of Oriole Park at Camden Yards being such a big deal, and it's always stuck with me, which is why it's one the short list of stadiums I want to see now. Plus, it has one of the best names in baseball because it's simple and void of commercialism. Good job Baltimore.

4. AT&T Park: San Francisco Giants

While on my roadtrip home from Oregon to Texas, I spent a few days in San Francisco, and while I didn't actually go into AT&T Park, I did get to drive by it. Even from the outside, I could tell that it was a nice park. You know that it's a modern park with some old school charm. Also, the idea of McCovey Cove is brilliant, and I wouldn't mind spending a few games just floating around waiting for home run balls.

3. U.S. Cellular Field: Chicago White Sox

To be honest, I could careless about the stadium (which has lost some of its appeal when it changed names from Comiskey Park to its current moniker), but I've always been a fan of the Chicago White Sox, so I would love to watch a home game on the South Side of Chicago. I'm still glad that it was the Chi-Sox that beat my beloved Astros during the World Series. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

2. Wrigley Field: Chicago Cubs

Since I'm a White Sox fan, I have no desire to support the Cubs (plus they're in the NL Central, which makes them divisional rivals of the Houston Astros), but I have to admit that seeing Wrigley Field would be an amazing experience. The old school parks are becoming a rare breed, and Wrigley is one of the few still around. I need to see the ivy-covered wall and the rooftop seats before the Cubbies decide to follow in the footsteps of every other club.

1. Fenway Park: Boston Red Sox

The only team I like less than the Chicago Cubs and the New York Yankees is the Boston Red Sox. I really don't have any ill-will towards the franchise, but their fans are insufferable (even more so now that they've actually started winning championships). With that being said, I'd love to watch a home game amongst them because any baseball fan has to. I'm pretty sure for many going to a game at Fenway is a religious experience, and it's one that I'd like to partake in while I still can. Plus, I really want to sing "Sweet Caroline" during the 8th. You don't get to do that just anywhere.

So, there you have it, the top five ballparks that I'd love to see. Sure, I wouldn't mind seeing dumps like Tropicana Field (Tampa Bay Rays) and Sun Life Stadium (Florida Marlins) someday, but these five parks are the cream of the crop in my opinion, and I need to experience them before it's too late.

I can just smell the hot dogs...

My April's Fool

It seems like March 1 was just yesterday, and now it's already April Fools' Day. While I never been a fan of this pseudo-holiday, I've decided to use it as motivation to stop acting foolish this month. March was a crazy time, and I didn't take time for myself or to enjoy my surroundings. I know that April is going to be just as nutty, but I'm dedicating myself to not letting the madness take over. I just need to figure out how to do that. Suggestions are welcome.

My 29th Year

This past Monday was my 29th birthday, which means I'm one step closer to 30. Bummer. I'm not afraid of hitting the big 3-0, I'm just not where I thought I'd be once I met that milestone. I'm still not married, I still don't have kids, and I still haven't won my Oscar.

I know that I still have a ton of time to reach my goals, but everyone had a list of accomplishments they wanted to reach by the age of 30, and I just wish I had more things crossed off of mine than I do. Or any for that matter. Ah well, c'est la vie.

My New Goal

For some reason, I've never been one for hobbies outside of dabbling in writing from time to time, but there is one thing that I'd like to learn and master: surfing.

About a year ago, I was in Hawaii visiting family, and while on Maui we checked out the little town of Pāʻia, which is famous for its windsurfing. While looking out at the water, I couldn't help but feel like I belonged there, which sparked my interest in picking up surfing.

My trip to Hawaii not only made me want to learn a new sport, but it also made me realize how much I love being by the water, and how the beach bum lifestyle would suit me.

I used to joke about running off to Mexico to sell t-shirts on the beach to tourists, but the more I think about, the more appealing that vocation sounds. Hawaii has plenty of tourists that need t-shirts, and I could earn some cash to pay for surfing lessons. It's all coming together...

My Lack of Passion

About a year ago, I wrote an entry about how I didn't have any direction when it came to my life and work mostly due to the fact that there's nothing that I'm truly passionate about. I'd like to report that things have changed, and I have a better idea of what I want to do with my life because I found my one true passion, but unfortunately I can't. I'm still looking though.

The thought of throwing myself back into my writing has crossed my mind, but I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that my dreams of being a serious writer are over. I need to find something real to fill this void. I'm still convinced that this hole can be filled by some kind of service. Now, I just need to figure out what that means.

I'm still interested in working with children through Big Brothers Big Sisters, but the thought of working with animals in shelters also has some appeal. It's not really finding something to do that is the problem, rather finding the motivation to get out there to do something. Sometimes, I don't know how people can dedicate their lives to others when I can barely live my own life. I guess figuring out the answer is the first step towards becoming complete...

My Tumbling Tumbleweed

Once again, I find myself going back on something that I thought I wanted.  A few posts ago, I talked about how seeing my nieces made me realize that I want to start settling down and yadda, yadda, yadda.  After a couple of days, I'm not so sure that's the case anymore.

The thought of being cemented to one place has always been unnerving to me.  Maybe I'm just not the settling type, and I'm the kind of person that needs to shake things up from time to time, even if the act of constant change is a pattern unto itself (ironic, right?).

I'm bringing this up because one day I had this idea that was kind of exciting, and I could not remember the last time I was excited.  I told myself how cool it would be if I set a goal for myself that involved me living in ten different cities throughout the country.  At the time it sounded like an admirable target to hit.

What's even more encouraging is the fact that I'm almost half way there since I've spent time in Midland, San Antonio, Portland, and now San Marcos.  My sights are now set on Austin, San Francisco, San Diego, Seattle, Boulder or Ft. Collins, and Hawaii.  Sounds do-able?

I know that this is a lofty goal, and I'd be lucky to get to one or two of these cities, but it's good to be ambitious (or delusional).  And I know that I need to figure out what I'm chasing after before I end up without a true home because maybe it's just around the corner instead of half-way across the country.

My Acceptance

I've always fancied myself a writer, although I've gotten out of the habit, and I had aspirations of earning a living with my words.  As time has gone by, it's become apparent that the dream is never going to get off of the ground, and now I'm starting to think that it's time for me to come to terms with this insight.

Hell, I struggle with coming up with interesting things to write about on this blog, and I don't even have an audience.  I can usually spout of some random comments about a TV show that I watch, or my knee jerk reactions to a movie I've seen, but I rarely crank out anything of significance on my blogs, and I can't help but feel like a failure.  Then again, I've never thought of myself as a real blogger.  I'm just some dude that jots down random thoughts, so I guess I could cut myself a break.

The crazy thing is, I used to think, "One day I'm going to do it. I'm going to be a writer, and I'm going to write a movie that wins Best Picture, and everything I'm doing now is temporary".  The realization is staring to hit me that my life right now is not temporary, and this is probably it.  Unfortunately, I've spent too much time sitting around thinking about what could have been instead of focusing on what is at hand.  I kind of feel like things have passed me by.  Whoopsie.

Then it just dawned on me that I'm still somewhat young, and I still have a lot of living to do.  Maybe I will write something significant one day, or maybe I'll end up exactly where I need to be and doing exactly what I'm meant to do.  All I can really do is accept the fact that this is life, and I need to do more time enjoying it.

My Changes

The end of the year is coming up, and that means it's almost time for the annual New Year's Resolutions to be formed. I keep saying that I'm not a resolution person, yet every year I'm on one of my blog's talking about what I want to change in my life. Every year it sounds the same...

This year I moved yet again.  This time I left Portland, OR for my home state of Texas, and even though I was heading home I knew that I wanted something new, so I set my sites on Austin. I haven't made it to ATX yet, but I landed in San Marcos which is close enough for now.

The reason where I'm living now is important is because I once again vowed to change my life, and I was convinced that a new locale would be the first step towards that change. Yet here I am living the same life I was up in Oregon. Hell, the rain even followed me down here. The words, "the more things change, the more they stay the same", are true. It's a cliche for a reason.

Life here in San Marcos is pretty much in the same rut that it was in up in Portland. I'm still single, I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my life, and I'm still trying to convince myself that I'm OK with all of it. I keep telling myself that it's only for now, and that things are going to change, and I continue to wait. Just like I did in Oregon.

It just dawned on me that moving from place to place doesn't really change anything if you don't let it. You're just going through the same existence, just in different surroundings. So, I guess what I'm saying is that my new resolution is to create the change that I thought would accompany my relocation rather than just expecting it to happen.

But at least now I have Whataburger...

My Getaway(s)

I've decided that I need to travel more.  Sure, I've had my share of adventures, but for some reason I feel that something's still missing.  My passport is lacking stamps.  I have this need to get out of San Marcos, get out of Texas, get out of the country.

I have a list going in my head, and it's getting longer by the day.  Some of the places on the list are practical.  It's always nice heading to Hawaii to visit family.  Others are ambitious, like Japan for example.  Some are just selfish, such as Italy or Greece (I'm convinced I'd find my future wife if I traveled to either place).  And the rest are no-brainers like New York City, Chicago, and Sydney.

Regardless of the place, I need to see some new places so I can scratch this itch.  Obviously, seeing these places is easier said than done, especially when you're lacking the funds, but it's a goal I've set my sights on, and usually I can achieve my goals.

My Resolution

I've never really been a New Year's Resolution kind of guy. They've just seemed a little silly. Despite my feelings, I have attempted to make and keep some goals the last couple of years, and I've done OK for the most part.

I've decided to make another resolution for 2009, which is to give myself a break, stop worrying about the future, and to enjoy the rest of the time I have here in Portland. It sounds easy, but it's trickier than it may seem.

The majority of the last couple of months have been filled with anxiety due to not knowing what I'm going to be doing or where I'm going to be living once I'm done with school. I know that I have very little control over these matters, and I should just let things unfold, but that can be scary.

Also, I've been living my life with one foot in Portland and the other out the door, which has held me back when it comes to putting myself out there to establish new relationships. Part of me feels that there's no point because more than likely I won't be sticking around. The other part of me is frustrated because I'm closing myself off to so many great memories.

So, I guess my ultimate goal for 2009 is to just live...