My Déjà Vu, My Déjà Vu

So, I've been back in Midland for almost two weeks, and it feels like I've been thrown back in time. Very few things have changed, and those that have been altered are so slight that it's almost unnoticeable. Part of me really cannot believe that I'm back here after living in San Antonio and Portland, but here I am.

It's not all that bad. It's nice being around family, and the familiar surroundings can be comforting when they're not closing in on me. Also, not having to worry about a ton of bills is nice since I have yet to find a job.

Oddly, enough I'm slowly coming around to the idea of living in Midland for a bit to work, fingers crossed, so I can save up some money. Sure, San Francisco and Austin are still at the top of my list of places to be, but they'll still be there when I'm ready to move on.

Plus, 2010 looks like is going to be a time of transition for the Canales family with my sister having another baby, and it is likely that my folks will be moving closer to Houston and San Antonio. It'll be a prime time to turn the page to the next chapter of my life.

My California Love

Still no word from UH, and I'm not really expecting any good news by this point. Hope is not gone just yet because I stumbled across a pretty sweet sounding job at the University of San Francisco. It's an admissions counselor position, so I'm hoping that the combination of orientation and admissions experience will give me a decent shot. If not, oh well.

Right now, the plan continues to be heading back to Texas and going from there. There are a few jobs back home that have piqued my interest, but part of me really feels like some time in California would do some good. That's why I've been focusing on the Bay Area and San Diego for the last couple of weeks. We'll just have to see what happens I suppose.

All I know is my time in Portland is coming to an end, and I think I'm actually going to miss it here. Yeah, I was shocked too!

My Job Hunt - Update 3

Still no word from the University of Hawaii, which usually isn't a good sign. The job prospects are pretty slim in California as well, so I'm close to just throwing in the towel and focusing just on Texas. Unfortunately, the pickings are pretty slim in Austin as well. There's always the Metroplex, but I feel dirty just thinking about it...

My Home Sweet Home

Wednesday is becoming my second busiest TV night thanks to Scrubs, Better off Ted, and one of my new favorite shows, Man v. Food. Tonight, I caught up on MvF by watching the Austin episode, and I was homesick while watching Adam Richman chow down on amazing BBQ. Man, I really miss good BBQ.

My Second (or Third or Fourth) Thoughts

I stumbled across a pretty sweet job opening down in San Diego. I might have to re-think this whole "only Portland or Texas" stance.

My Blues & Grays

So, Texans might be overweight, but at least they're happy...unlike Portlanders and Seattleites. Hmm, I wonder if there's a connection? I'd be unhappy too if I had to eat granola and rabbit food while being rained on day after day ;)

In all seriousness, I don't take the findings of this report to heart because any study can skew its data to say whatever it wants. Portland's not that bad of a place to live, but I could do with some better food and more sun.

My Lone Star Pride

I've never been prouder to be a Texan until now. Seriously, 3 out of the 10 fattest cities are in Texas while Portland is ranked #6 on the Fittest Cities list. Maybe I should stick around the Northwest for a little bit longer.

My Friday Night Lights

I think that one of the reasons I like Friday Night Lights is because it reminds me of home, especially tonight. This week's episode mentioned both Midland and San Antonio, and I got all excited. Sometimes I really miss Texas.

My Reset Button

It seems that my rudderless ship has found a little bit of direction. Recently, I had a moment of clarity that informed me that I have an idea about where I want to set up shop for the rest of my life, or most of it at least.

Some of my previous posts revolved around me trying to figure out where I'd be heading next once I'm done with school. There was a point where I was convinced that I'd be moving on, then I was sold on the thought of moving back to Texas, and then I was back to leaving Portland for Colorado or California. Back and forth, back and forth.

Then I realized that my desire to move to Boulder or San Diego had little to do with being adventurous, rather it was based on my need to start over from scratch...to push the reset button. At the time I figured this was the answer because it shows that I refuse to be pinned down, and that I'm a free spirit. Then it hit me that a big reason for this need to move around stems from fear; the fear of settling down and living my life. My time in Portland has been rough on me, so I figured I'd just leave it all behind rather than finding my place here. When I thought about it, I felt that I was looking for a reason to run away, and I don't want to be that guy.

Now, I'm not saying that I've decided to make Portland my permanent home, but I'm more open to that idea now more than ever. The truth is, I have roots here despite my efforts to avoid such a thing. The only other serious option for me is the inevitable return to Texas. Sure, I'd be moving and reestablishing myself, but at least I'd be home...I have family and friends there.

So, I think for once I have an idea of where I belong, and while I'd like the new experiences that living in a new place would bring, I just need to settle down and start living. I'm not pushing the reset button just yet, but I am going to put my life on shuffle so I can shake things up a bit.

My Here or There

The one common theme that can be seen throughout my blogs is indecision. Apparently, I have trouble picking a life path and sticking to it. For example, I was positive that I would be headed back to Texas when I was done with graduate school. It only made sense since my family is there, and I would like to start settling down sooner than later. Then I started questioning if that is the right next step for me.

Before I made this decision to move back home, I always envisioned myself making one more stop before heading back to Texas. Places like Colorado and Hawaii have always been appealing to me, and I would love to have the chance to spend some time there. I've even tossed around the idea of sticking around Portland for a few more years, but it seems like I'm at either one extreme or the other when it comes to this place. When the sun is out, I cannot imagine living anywhere else. When it's cloudy and rainy, I cannot understand why I stick around. Too bad it's cloudy and rainy half of the year. Maybe I just need to buy one of those UV headlamps.

So here I am again...trying to figure out what I want to do and where I want to live, and I'm not coming up with many answers. The only thing I know for sure is I don't know anything when it comes to what I want out of life.

My Summer

Even though it is late September, my summer is finally coming to an end. On Monday, classes start up again, and I am not looking forward to it. Part of my hesitance is because I don't like sitting in boring classes, but another reason is because I'm not ready for summer to be over especially since I didn't get to do anything that I wanted to do.

I had a relatively short to-do list for this summer, and unfortunately I didn't cross much off of it. For example, I wanted to hit the Oregon coast. One of the benefits of living in Portland is you live in a metropolitan area, but are really close to the ocean and mountains. Last summer, I had the chance to go to the coast and I remembered how much I like being around water (something I realized while in Ireland). Sadly, I didn't have the chance to re-visit the beach, and I don't know if I'll have the chance to go back before I leave Oregon. Ah well.

Also, I really wanted to head up to Seattle for a Mariners game. I had all summer to put together a trip, but I waited until the last series of the season, and didn't ask anyone to go until the day before the game. The planning was a little short-sighted to say the least. Now, I'm not a huge Mariners fan (especially this season), but I do love baseball, and since I can't go to any Astros games this summer, Seattle's my only option. The good thing is, I'll should have a chance to go to a game next season.

Luckily, I did have the chance to head back to Texas for a quick visit, and it was much needed after 8 weeks of summer school. Living so far away is starting to take its toll on me because I don't get to see my family as much as I'd like. I'm lucky if I'm back in Texas every six to seven months, which is OK but not great. My trip back to Midland will hold me over until I go back in December, and then I'll be heading back for good in June (maybe???), so I'll be back home before I know it.

Overall, it wasn't a wasted summer but I do wish I accomplished more. Then again, I was able to cross some classes off of my list, which will make this school year a little more manageable. At least I won't have to sit through as many boring classes this time around.

My Way Home

It's been a week since Hurricane Ike ravaged the Texas coastline, and I'm surprised (and a little mad at myself) that I haven't been keeping up with the aftermath. This is the second time my family's been impacted by a hurricane, and while I know that my sister and her daughter made it safely home to West Texas before the storm hit, that's the extent of what I know. You'd think I'd be more in tune with the goings on in my home state after such a tragedy. Unfortunately, I'm in my own little world up in the Pacific Northwest.

Being so far away has contributed to my ignorance because I'm not in the thick of it up here in Portland. I can watch the footage on CNN or the Weather Channel and be informed, but it doesn't directly impact my daily life, but it should. My family and friends are dealing with the fallout while I sit up in Oregon complaining about a few clouds in the sky. I feel guilty. I feel like I should be back in Texas recovering like my brethren.

The one way that Hurricane Ike did affect me was it convinced me that I need to move back as soon as possible. Over the last couple of years I've learned the valuable lesson that at the end of the day all you have is family. I've been away from mine for too long now, and I need to be closer to them. I need to be there the next time something like this happens so I can take the punches alongside those that mean the most to me.

My family, friends, and fellow Texans are in my thoughts and prayers...no matter how few and far between they may be.