My Missing Piece

Last night in class, we had a former university president come to class to share her experience in higher education. From the get-go you could sense that she was good at what she did, and is a model of strong leadership. She talked about her tenets of good leadership, and she spent a lot of time on being passionate about what you do. This echoed the advice another guest speaker gave during a class last term.

In May, this woman gave a presentation about what she does for a living. It involved working with female inmates, and getting them ready to transition to re-enter the outside world by helping them learn a trade. Again, she showed great passion and dedication for what she did.

These two women got me thinking about what I want to do with me life. Now, I'm not saying that I want to work with inmates or be a college president for the rest of my life, or at all for that matter, but they were so passionate about what they did. I wish I had a fraction of that spark.

It still feels like I'm just drifting along in life. I still feel like I have zero direction, and for the first time in my life it's starting to scare me. You'd think I'd have the slightest idea about what I'd want to do for a living by now. Unfortunately, I don't. At least I don't think that I do.

Maybe that's not all true. I do think that I'm supposed to be some sort of teacher, probably in a college environment, but I'm not convinced that my heart is not totally in it, and I don't want to get stuck down a path that I regret. Now, I know that life isn't supposed to be mapped out for you, and you need to learn from mistakes and detours, but that's just such a scary thought.

The thing is, I don't know what I'm passionate about. I used to think that it was movies, but I know that's just a fantasy that will never happen. I have zero musical talent, so that's out of the picture. I don't feel the urge to save the pandas, or the polar bears, or the rain forest. I've never really given back to my community. I just sit here and think about what is missing in my life.

Over the last couple of months, I've had this nagging need to shake things up, but for some reason I'm hesitant to do so, probably because it's easier to sit back and whine about life rather than doing something to change it. I do think that getting involved in the community could give me some direction, but for some reason I keep talking myself out of doing anything. Organizations like the Boys and Girls Club or Big Brothers Big Sisters intrigue me, but I can't even figure out how to live my own life. I guess I'm just scared of messing up some kid's life.

At least I know that something is missing, and now I just need to man up and find the piece that fits.