My Stumptown

For some reason I've really been missing Portland lately.  Maybe it's because of all of the Leverage that I've been watching, but I have a feeling there's more to it than that.  I just miss the culture and vibe, and more importantly all of my PDX friends.

I was lucky to have met some of the greatest people on the planet while living up in Portland, and while it was hard leaving them behind, I knew that I had to at the time.  Now, I'm kicking myself a little bit for taking off like that, but I'm still convinced that I needed to come home, even if it's only for a little while.  Maybe my path will take me back to the Northwest...you never know.

The crazy thing is, I didn't think I'd be missing PDX like this, but the old adage is true, you don't know what you have until it's gone.  I took Portland for granted, and didn't take full advantage of what the city had to offer while I was living up there.  I just need to make sure I don't make that mistake again, and I need to live it up in Austin while I'm in Central Texas because I don't need anymore regret.

Luckily for me, I have plenty of reasons to visit Portland and places to crash.  This time around, I won't let the charm of the city go to waste.

My Own Worst Enemy

It seems like one of my greatest weaknesses, besides my predilection for indecisiveness, is I am my own worst enemy. For some reason, I just can't help but get in my own way when it comes to my professional, personal, and romantic life.

The frustrating thing is that's not the kind of person I want to be, but, whenever I get tripped up, the only feet I see are my own. I've tried to get out of my way, but here I am again. So much for being able to change.

My Resolution

I've never really been a New Year's Resolution kind of guy. They've just seemed a little silly. Despite my feelings, I have attempted to make and keep some goals the last couple of years, and I've done OK for the most part.

I've decided to make another resolution for 2009, which is to give myself a break, stop worrying about the future, and to enjoy the rest of the time I have here in Portland. It sounds easy, but it's trickier than it may seem.

The majority of the last couple of months have been filled with anxiety due to not knowing what I'm going to be doing or where I'm going to be living once I'm done with school. I know that I have very little control over these matters, and I should just let things unfold, but that can be scary.

Also, I've been living my life with one foot in Portland and the other out the door, which has held me back when it comes to putting myself out there to establish new relationships. Part of me feels that there's no point because more than likely I won't be sticking around. The other part of me is frustrated because I'm closing myself off to so many great memories.

So, I guess my ultimate goal for 2009 is to just live...

My Way Home

It's been a week since Hurricane Ike ravaged the Texas coastline, and I'm surprised (and a little mad at myself) that I haven't been keeping up with the aftermath. This is the second time my family's been impacted by a hurricane, and while I know that my sister and her daughter made it safely home to West Texas before the storm hit, that's the extent of what I know. You'd think I'd be more in tune with the goings on in my home state after such a tragedy. Unfortunately, I'm in my own little world up in the Pacific Northwest.

Being so far away has contributed to my ignorance because I'm not in the thick of it up here in Portland. I can watch the footage on CNN or the Weather Channel and be informed, but it doesn't directly impact my daily life, but it should. My family and friends are dealing with the fallout while I sit up in Oregon complaining about a few clouds in the sky. I feel guilty. I feel like I should be back in Texas recovering like my brethren.

The one way that Hurricane Ike did affect me was it convinced me that I need to move back as soon as possible. Over the last couple of years I've learned the valuable lesson that at the end of the day all you have is family. I've been away from mine for too long now, and I need to be closer to them. I need to be there the next time something like this happens so I can take the punches alongside those that mean the most to me.

My family, friends, and fellow Texans are in my thoughts and prayers...no matter how few and far between they may be.