My Old Stomping Grounds

So on a whim, I drove to San Antonio this afternoon, and I couldn't help but feel mixed emotions after I came back to San Marcos because going back reminded me of a lot great times I had, but it also reminded about how things have changed.

My time in San Antonio were the best years of my life because I grew up a lot, came into my own, and became the person that I am today. It was a great experience, but I always knew that in order for me to really grow I had to leave, which was a driving factor in me moving up to Portland. Even though I don't regret moving to Oregon, part of me always thinks about how my life would be if I stayed in San Antonio.

Even though I loved my time in San Antonio, I don't think I could ever go back.  I'm just a very different person then I was those many years ago, and returning would be a big step backwards. Right now, I'm only interested in moving forward, rediscovering myself, and growing even more.  Going back to San Antonio would not let me do those things.

What led me to this realization was a visit to my alma matter, the University of Texas at San Antonio. Being back at UTSA opened my eyes to how much things have changed. It was interesting being back on campus because it has cool seeing how much it has grown, but it was also a little sad because it is not the same school that I went to. I went to UTSA because it wasn't UT-Austin or Texas A&M.  It was a smaller school trying to find its identity, and by doing that it wanted to become like everything else.  While becoming a more prestigious institution, UTSA has lost some of its scrappiness, and that's what drew me there.

The school was not the only thing that's changed because the city itself is not the same place I moved to. San Antonio always felt like a really big town to me despite being a major metropolitan area. Over the last couple of years the city has blown up and become a bloated version of itself with all of the strip malls and fancy shopping centers. It doesn't have that small town feel to it because it's looking more and more like a major city, and more power to them. I'm glad SA has grown so much, but it's not the place I fell in love with so many years ago. Too many things have changed, but that's life.

While I was driving around SA, I dawned on me how five years could feel like a lifetime.  Being back felt familiar but so different at the same time, and I realized that was my old life and I needed to move on. Despite knowing that my time in San Antonio is behind me, I still love that city because it helped shape me into the person that I am today, and it helped me realize what else I need to do. I'm glad that the place that helped me grow up also helped me realize that I still have a ways to go.