My Reset Button

It seems that my rudderless ship has found a little bit of direction. Recently, I had a moment of clarity that informed me that I have an idea about where I want to set up shop for the rest of my life, or most of it at least.

Some of my previous posts revolved around me trying to figure out where I'd be heading next once I'm done with school. There was a point where I was convinced that I'd be moving on, then I was sold on the thought of moving back to Texas, and then I was back to leaving Portland for Colorado or California. Back and forth, back and forth.

Then I realized that my desire to move to Boulder or San Diego had little to do with being adventurous, rather it was based on my need to start over from scratch...to push the reset button. At the time I figured this was the answer because it shows that I refuse to be pinned down, and that I'm a free spirit. Then it hit me that a big reason for this need to move around stems from fear; the fear of settling down and living my life. My time in Portland has been rough on me, so I figured I'd just leave it all behind rather than finding my place here. When I thought about it, I felt that I was looking for a reason to run away, and I don't want to be that guy.

Now, I'm not saying that I've decided to make Portland my permanent home, but I'm more open to that idea now more than ever. The truth is, I have roots here despite my efforts to avoid such a thing. The only other serious option for me is the inevitable return to Texas. Sure, I'd be moving and reestablishing myself, but at least I'd be home...I have family and friends there.

So, I think for once I have an idea of where I belong, and while I'd like the new experiences that living in a new place would bring, I just need to settle down and start living. I'm not pushing the reset button just yet, but I am going to put my life on shuffle so I can shake things up a bit.