My Same Song, My Same Dance

I keep telling myself that I'm due for a change, but it seems like life has been stuck in limbo and the only place I can share my thoughts is on this blog. The thing is I don't want this to become a broken record, which explains why I never write much anymore, yet here I am.

Back in January, I wrote about how I was tired of living a temporary life; in a perpetual state of having one foot in the now and the other out the door. The need for new experiences has always been a driving force for me, but it's been a lonely journey, and the need for permanency has started to creep in my brain. I tried to convince myself that settling down was the right answer, but now I'm not so sure.

I think most of it comes back to the fact that I'm just not as happy as I'd like to be. For some reason, I have this thought in my head that the key to my happiness is just around the corner, and I just need to catch up to it, but once I make that final turn I'm left stranded and alone. Then I see it off in the distance...

What's funny is that this picture of happiness has always been blurry. I can never quite make it out, but I know it exists, and my life has been a non-stop journey to find it. The crazy thing is, I don't know what I'd do once I got it because so much time has been spent on the chase. What's even crazier is I have no one to blame for my current state of melancholia but myself. I could try to be happy with what I've got, but I've convinced myself that it's just out of reach and it always will be.

Honestly, I'm starting to think that there something might be off inside of me. The constant need to question my life, my happiness, my purpose, my hopes and dreams cannot be normal, but the thought of being normal is just as unnerving. Maybe I'm destined to always feel this way; my happiness comes from being unhappy. But that cannot be right. I'm tired of feeling this way, but then why am I here writing the same stuff over and over again.

All I know is that I'm ready for a change, whether it be personally, professionally, or both. And here's to hoping that it will be one step closer to that elusive beast known as true happiness. At least I can hope, right?

My New Toy: Apple iPad vs. Samsung Galaxy Tab vs. Motorola Xoom

While on vacation back home, I came to the realization that I really want a tablet because I wanted to play around on the Net but my phone was too small and I didn't want to lug out my laptop. The perfect scenario for a tablet.

On paper, the iPad (Gen 1) still seems like the logical choice since it's more established and essentially created the market. I still think the device is handcuffed because it doesn't provide essential features, and is already obsolete. Plus, I'm trying to break my dependence on Apple and their smug attitudes (still not happy how they handled the iPhone 4 debacle). The bright side is the first gen version is cheaper now that the wholly unnecessary iPad 2 officially hit the streets, and would still address the basic needs I'm having.

The two Android tablets that have become the frontrunners to be the iPad killer, the Galaxy Tab and Motorola Xoom, are tempting but also riddled with drawbacks. While I like my Android phone, I still don't know enough about the operating system to be dazzled by these new devices. I still don't see how Android is better than iOS. While they do have the bells and whistles that I'm looking for (dual cameras, Flash), I haven't heard many positive reviews about them. From what I can tell, the Galaxy Tab uses an version of Android that doesn't translate well to the tablet format, and the Xoom is too glitchy. But they're not Apple tabs, which is a plus (sorta).

The thing is, I don't NEED a tablet. The combination of my smartphone and my computer is sufficient, although not necessarily the most convenient pairing. I also cannot fathom dropping the money required to actually purchase one of these devices, but that's not going to stop me from thinking about buying one.

My 30th Year

My 30th birthday has come and gone, and while I still haven't accomplished the goals that I wanted to have done by this pivotal milestone, I want to try to remain positive about my life.

While I cannot say that I've lived the most exciting life, I can say that I've been very fortunate these past 30 years. I have a wonderful family that loves me and supports me. I've been consistently employed (with a few minor breaks) since my sophomore year of college. I can pay my rent, bills, and buy food. Sure, I have some bad days, but I cannot complain.

Yes, there are so many things I sill want to accomplish and I've made some missteps along the way. I still have time to reach my goals, and I have the chance to keep learning from my mistakes because I'll have a support system to hold me up if needed. Things may not be perfect, but I couldn't be luckier.